Eric Emilcar

Caitlin Geoghan

FIQWS 10113

9/15/19

Outsider Essay

3/29/19,

A monumental Friday afternoon, I anxiously await the decision, continuously refreshing my email, contemplating whether I had impressed enough. After waiting all day for the news, it had finally arrived. I check my email, 

“I am delighted to offer you admission to the (CSOM)/Sophie Davis Biomedical Education Program at the City College of New York”. In complete shock, I stood there silently. Did I really get admitted into this program? The weird behavior prompted my father to ask me what’s wrong. I could barely muster a word to him. “I… got in.” “Got into where?”, My father asked. “I got into Sophie”, I proclaimed. “Congratulations, I am proud of you son.” We both proceeded to ring all the close family members and tell them the good news. It was one of the happiest days in my life, but with each passing moment it became soured by the inevitable. 

Every moment became centered around spending as much time with my family. The atmosphere became bitter sweet. Although I got into the program, the realization set in that things would be much different from your typical college experience. Unlike most of my other colleagues, I am in Out-Of-State student. I would be over 1000 miles away from home. I would not be able to just go home on my own accord. Instead I would be restricted to traveling back home only during the holidays. Suddenly I found myself forced to forge a completely new niche for myself: new friends, new slang, new foods, new lifestyle, and adapt to extremely different weather. 

The hardest part about being an out-of-state student is the fact that I am far from home. It’s all I have known for the past 18 years. The constant interaction from hanging out with my younger sisters to spending quality family time is what makes home feel so special yet I have to sacrifice that in order to pursue my goal. The feeling of home can not be replicated even though I have tried everything from calling to Facetiming my family on a daily basis. I miss out on family gatherings because I am unable to just hop on a plane and fly back. For instance, my littlest sister, Catherine, just had her first volleyball game of the season and I was not able to watch it. Although that example may seem inconsequential, I had been to her first game of the season for the past 3 years, so for me it was just as important to her as it was to me. I miss driving my two sisters, Laura and Catherine. I would blast my music much to the disdain of Catherine, but it didn’t matter because we were spending time together. In hindsight I have come to cherish those moments even more. 

My loneliness was further compounded when all my roommates went home for Labor Day weekend. They all just hopped on a train back home while I was confined to spending countless hours by myself in the Towers. They were all enjoying quality time with their families while I was stuck facetiming my family. They were all eating delicious home cooked meals while I had to make do with my own cooking. When they returned to the Towers they asked what I had done, and I sheepishly exclaimed, “ I did absolutely nothing.” Surely they would have thought I did something during the long weekend, but unfortunately I was not joking when I gave my response. I tried to immerse myself in school work so I didn’t have as much time to think about it, but that only exacerbated my loneliness. My highlight of a long weekend was studying which is as depressing as it sounds.  Although I greatly enjoy my roommates, they serve as a reminder that they possess something I do not, the convenience of going home at any time. To put it into perspective, I have not been home since the first week of August while my roommates have gone home for the past 3 weekends. 

Transitioning from Florida to New York is a culture shock to say the least. It is a completely different lifestyle: different entertainment, different food, different slang, different clothes, different societal pressures, and different types of people. It is a lot to adjust to, but this new environment presents me with an opportunity to experience a different perspective of life. I am able to discover new things about myself, make new friends, and become legitimately independent.